Cats Are C***s

 The problem:

I'd quite like to be able to enter and leave my house without passing through the stench of cat shit and cloud of flies.

A solution(?):

Given that high-velocity lead poisoning seems to be frowned upon let's try this instead which will "Rid your garden of cats and other mammals with this garden repeller, complete with the new HyperResonance Frequency system. Designed to induce maximum discomfort, this system provides short varying bursts of ultrasound that shocks the animal".

 The result:

Yep, head right in the speaker like he's at a heavy metal gig.

Cats are c*nts.

Tidying up the garden.

I have a lot of small trees and shrubs in the garden which need cutting back regularly. Decided today that rather than dragging the prunings to the council tip I'd buy a shredder.

Wickes 2500 watt garden shredder, sturdy, powerful, £69, does what it says on the box.

Might also be a solution to the problem of cats crapping in the vegetable patch too ;-)