Wednesday, 30 December 2009

Dead Pool 2010

Having done so badly in 2009 here's my list for 2010 of famous people likely to meet the tall thin bloke with the scythe :-)

1. Thatcher
2. Ronnie Biggs
3. Amy Winehouse
4. Norman Wisdom
5. Peter Sallis
6. George Herbert Walker Bush
7. Dame Vera Lynn
8. Robert Mugabe
9. Eli Wallach
10. Jimmy Carter

Friday, 11 December 2009

Peter Kays Universal Truths'

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger's.

4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a
calculator. true. Either that or 58008 531573

6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a
fire in your back garden.

10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your
teacher mum or dad.

18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the
first given opportunity.

19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way
through and then raced against the flush.

21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

24) You never ever run out of salt.

25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.

26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog. Unless it's a Rottie.

27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got
your hand or head stuck in something.

28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their
arm broken by a swan.

30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on
an upturned plug.

31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.

33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

34) Bricks are horrible to carry.

35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

36) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in
a fruit salad

I wonder what happened to 9? :-)

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

Talking Dog

A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana and he sees a sign in
front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He
rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador
retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So,
what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I
was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In
no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in
rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the
jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any
younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport
to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and
listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a
batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm
just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for
the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so

'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit.

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

At last! Nokia to Google Calendar sync

At last! Nokia phone to Google Calendar synchronization that actually seems to work!


After trying various freeware/shareware programs which never seemed to get out of beta and screwed with the phone or Google calendars in varied and "interesting" ways I may finally have found a worker.

It actually seems to work well enough that I'd be willing to pay for it. And I never buy software if I can find something Open Source to do the job!

Currently using 7 day trial on Nokia 6124.

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

In the name of Yeshua ben Yoseph



Gender: Masculine

Usage: Theology, Biblical

Pronounced: JEE-zəs (English) [key]

English form of Ιησους (Iesous), which was the Greek form of the Aramaic name יֵשׁוּעַ (Yeshu'a). Yeshu'a is itself a contracted form of Yehoshu'a (see JOSHUA). Yeshua ben Yoseph, better known as Jesus Christ, was the central figure of the New Testament and the source of the Christian religion. The four Gospels state that he was the son of God and the Virgin Mary who fulfilled the Old Testament prophecies of the Messiah. He preached for three years before being crucified in Jerusalem.

All simple enough but now check out the comments page where the real fun begins as the logical and the liturgical take sides.

You have to wonder about the twisted logic behind:

When I was thirteen, a fifteen year old boy named Jesus (hay-SOOS) left our school because he sexually assaulted me. I think that it is horrible to have to say 'yes, Jesus sexually assaulted me the other day.' So, soon-to-be parents, on the off chance that your son turns out to be a weirdo, do not name him Jesus.

Well I laughed.

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

Acer Aspire One Linpus - Password Protection

I now have an Acer Aspire One netbook, the 8GB Linux version which runs Linpus Lite on a "solid state disc".
Great as this little machine is out of the box I can't help feeling that on something this portable (and thus stealable) the lack of password protection on start up is a serious security issue. When you first set the One up it asks you to create a password but only asks for it when coming out of screensaver/suspend (if you select the option for it to do so). At start up auto login is enabled by default so no password is asked for. This obviously contributes to the One's impressive sub 17 second boot time but if you're as uncomfortable with the lack of security then you'll want to disable that auto login.

It took me some time and googling to find out how to do this so I'll spread the word here. It does involve a bit of Linux command line jiggery-pokery though so care is required.

First off, where's the Terminal? Not immediately obvious this. From the home screen open "My Documents". Then click File, and click Terminal. A nice command line terminal should appear with a prompt:

[user@localhost Documents]$

At the prompt type

sudo thunar

and hit enter

Thunar is the file manager used on the Aspire One and "sudo" means you want to run it as root, rather than as an ordinary user. If a password is requested enter the password you set up when you first set up your Aspire One. A new file manager window will appear, this time with a big red warning bar across it to indicate that you are using the root account!

Use the blue arrow button to go up one level then click "view" and "show hidden files". You should now be able to see all the system folders on the disk. You need to navigate to this folder:


so type /etc/rc.d/ into the location box (just above the red bar) and hit enter. the contents of the folder should be displayed. Scroll down until you see the file named


Carefully right click this file, be sure not to accidentally double click it otherwise the file will run, all hell breaks loose and you will have to turn off your One and start again. Yes, that is the voice of experience :-( Click on "Open With" and "Open with "Mousepad"" The contents of the file will be displayed. You need to carefully edit this file as follows, if you get it wrong your One may become unusable so I suggest you print this bit or write it down, especially if reading this on your One.

First of all find the following line in the file

/usr/bin/xinit -- -br>/dev/null 2>&1 &

You need to comment out this line so it will be ignored by putting # at the start of it like this:

#/usr/bin/xinit -- -br>/dev/null 2>&1 &

Immediately below this line add a new line like this:


Now click File and Save, then File and Quit to close the window. Close all the other windows and restart the One.
When you reboot your Aspire One you will be presented with a login screen. The username is "user" and the password is whatever you set it to be when setting up your One.
You will also briefly see this screen when shutting down your One.

Some of the above I found on THIS SITE where there is more info, including a link to what to do if you forget to add the extra line and can't boot your One!

Although the Aspire One takes a little longer to start now I feel much happier with that little extra bit of security between my data and the bad guys. I hope this info is of use to others, feel free to spread it around.