Sunday, 1 January 2017

Happy new year? No, not really.

But quite possibly the shitest New Year's Eve since 1999. Gave up on the pub that was emptying out of people who I didn't know anyway at 11 pm. Walked home through a deserted town, took the dog out, sitting here now listening to every cunt letting off fireworks. What a depressing, pointless excercise it all is.

Does anyone really think 2017 won't be just more of the same shit as 2016? I'm not hopeful.

We live in interesting times. For interesting read nasty.

Dead Pool 2017

Dead Pool 2017

This year's wild guesses as to who won't make it to 2359 hrs 31st December.

  • Marvin Lee Aday (Meat Loaf)
  • Neil Percival Young (Musician)
  • Eddie Large (Comedian)
  • Doris Day (Actress & Singer)
  • Gina Lollobrigida (Actress, Photojournalist, & Sculptor)
  • Bruce Forsyth (Entertainer)
  • James Earl Carter Jr. (39th POTUS)
  • Vera Lynn (Singer, Songwriter, & Actress)
  • Ken Dodd (Singer & Comedian)
  • Philip Mountbatten (HRH The Duke of Edinburgh)

Sunday, 25 December 2016

Bah humbug

Every 12 months I'm reminded how I loathe this time of year.

You get a couple of days off work but the weather's probably shite and everything's shut.

You can't get to the bar but there's no one there you actually know.

Most of the things on TV with watching are replaced by schmaltzy crap.

The people you admire are all dying.

You're expected to enjoy yourself no matter how depressing it all seems.

I'll be glad when it's done for another year.

Saturday, 12 November 2016

Why you can't trust online reviews

Ever wondered why most online product reviews are positive? Because retailers, for instance Maplin's "moderate", (censor) the unfavourable ones. Bought a set of remote control sockets a few months ago from Maplin in Farnborough. These:

The build quality is not very good, typical of many Chinese imports, particularly the remote control but they work. Or rather they worked. As of yesterday none of the sockets respond to the controller, the "transmitting" LED flashes but nothing happens. Obviously the controller has failed. Maplin do not sell replacement controllers.

In view of this failure after a relatively short time I attempted to post a short, honest review on the Maplin web site product page. Maplin had other ideas though, only positive reviews are welcome obviously, this is their reply:

Hi snaprails,

Our staff has read your review and values your contribution even though it did not meet all our website guidelines. Thanks for sharing, and we hope to publish next time!

Submit something new » 

Just as a reminder, here are the review guidelines your review must adhere to:
  • Keep your review focused on the product.
  • Avoid writing about customer service, contact us instead if you have issues requiring immediate attention (link in email footer).
  • Refrain from mentioning competitors or the specific price you paid for the product.
  • Do not include any personally identifiable information, such as full names.
Thanks again,
Cheap Chinese Rubbish, avoid.
After a few months the set has stopped working, the transmitter LED flashes but none of the sockets respond. Evidently the transmitter has failed, rendering the whole set useless.
I stand by my description of cheap Chinese rubbish and add dishonest treatment of reviewers.

Will I be buying from Maplin again? I think not. Would I trust Maplin's web site reviews? Obviously not.

Oh and it's "our staff have" not "our staff has".

I'm off to crawl behind the TV to turn it off.

Friday, 1 January 2016

Deadpool 2016

Eddie Large - Comedian

Doris Day - actress & singer

Peter Sallis - actor

Dame Vera Lynn - singer, songwriter, & actress

Gina Lollobrigida - Actress, photojournalist, sculptor

Bruce Forsyth - alleged entertainer

Fidel Castro – 17th President of Cuba (ret.)

Zsa Zsa Gabor - film star

James Earl Carter Jr. - 39th POTUS

Robert Gabriel Mugabe - Teflon coated despot President of Zimbabwe


Here we go again.

Thursday, 5 November 2015

Rail Travel

Today I made the mistake of thinking that traveling by train from Sandhurst was a practical proposition. All I wanted to do was visit Oxford for a day out. This should be a journey of around an hour via Reading but unfortunately the GWR* timetable is a work of fantasy fiction.

Having walked the mile in light drizzle to Sandhurst Station,which has no facilities whatsoever, you can't even buy a ticket and should really revert to it's former, less pretentious title Sandhurst Halt I was greeted by the sight of a display showing that the 0953 train was expected at 1000. No, wait 1001. No, hang on, make that 1002. And counting...

And in the distance I saw... nothing much.

An attempt to check the situation using GWR's web site revealed that it was actually slower than it's trains but using the National Rail site instead revealed that "this service is disrupted" and "you probably won't make your connection". Given the lack of ticketing facilities at the station and that previous experience of GWR "train managers"** suggests they'd rather hide in the cab abusing themselves**** than come out and sell you a ticket, there was no "probably" about it. Having to queue at the excess fares window at Reading like some potential criminal*** would ensure that the onward journey would be further disrupted. I'm not sure I'm up to the stress of that sort of challenge on my day off.

So, what to do? Pointless waiting for a train that if it ever came (I once waited on that platform for two hours while they kept promising and cancelling services) wouldn't get me where I wanted to go at the time I wanted to go there. Walk back home and get the car out I suppose.

Except now I'm not sure I can be arsed. Perhaps the Ashmolean will have to wait for another day. A day that won't involve fucking useless GWR.

Abandon hope all ye who enter here.

*As First Great Western have now decided to rename themselves in a desperate attempt to garner some of the glamour of railway's "Golden Age".
** What was wrong with the title "Guard"?
*** Which is how GWR regard their passengers, see
**** That's a guess but as good a guess as any.